jennifer-roberts Note: Parts of this blog post are works of original fiction.
Three years ago, while speaking at an event in Atlanta, I met a young lady named Stephanie. She was poised, polite and articulate but she was also filled with regret. During our brief conversation at the end of my morning seminar, Stephanie began telling me about her life. Her narrative was all too familiar. I invited Stephanie to lunch where she candidly shared more.
Stephanie was 21 years old and working two part-time jobs, one at a local restaurant and the other at Target. She told me that her life was “OK” but it wasn’t anything like the life she had envisioned for herself when she was in high school a few years earlier.
Stephanie told me that when she was in high school, she had lofty dreams of attending Spelman College and becoming a journalist.
“Spelman was all I talked about after a visit during my freshman year. That trip changed my life. I really wanted to go to Spelman,” she recalled.
Stephanie told me about her supportive family and her high school hobbies which included playing chess recreationally and dabbling in art.
“I never played on a chess team because it was just too much. Joining a team meant playing on someone else’s terms and someone else’s schedule. I just wanted to play without somebody telling me what to do all the time.”
Stephanie went on to share that she went into her junior year with a 3.0 GPA. The summer before her senior year, she opted out of taking enrichment classes that could have helped boost her GPA. Instead, she spent the summer hanging out with friends, playing chess and painting.
In the fall of her senior year, Stephanie met with her guidance counselor to discuss her plans after graduation. Stephanie confidently told her counselor, “I’m going to Spelman.”
Her counselor’s next words would change the trajectory of Stephanie’s life, “Sweetheart, you can’t go to Spelman; you aren’t qualified.”
Stephanie was crushed. She told me that she felt as if someone had cut off her air supply, “What do you mean, I’m not qualified? For the last three years, all I’ve talked about is going to Spelman. I told all my friends that I’m going. My parents are so proud.”
“Stephanie, you have a 2.5 GPA,” her counselor started. “You need at least a 3.76 GPA to be considered. Last spring, your SAT score was 850. Spelman requires at least a 1090,” her counselor shared. ” know that you like playing chess and painting, but you haven’t participated in any organized extracurricular activities and have no leadership or volunteer experience to put on your application.”
“Can’t I do something now? Aren’t there classes I can take or clubs I can join so that I can still go? Can’t you do something?” Stephanie asked hopefully.
“I’m afraid not. It’s too late,” said her counselor glumly.
“But I want to go to Spelman” is what Stephanie sobbed before her counselor began sharing post-graduation alternatives, none of which appealed to Stephanie.
Can you identify with Stephanie? Has there ever been something in your life that you talked about but failed to support with intentional action and dogged determination? Maybe it was a squandered job opportunity, missed chance to relocate geographically or a failure to meet a weight loss goal. Truth be told, we probably all have at least one “Stephanie” story in our past because Stephanie’s story is common.
We often talk about what we want to do without doing the work that it takes to achieve the goal. While verbalizing our hopes and dreams can be helpful and affirming, talking is no substitute for working.
Like Stephanie, we often have big dreams but little action which results in unfulfilled aspirations. Talking alone is not going to get us from one level to the next but doing the hard work will.
The work is not easy or appealing, but the view is well worth the climb once we reach our goal. Stephanie’s high school experience was not unlike our own journeys. She was presented with opportunities for growth and development that could have helped her be in the position to attend the college of her dreams, but she chose not to take advantage of them when they were presented.
If we are honest with ourselves, we sometimes respond to opportunities disguised as work the same way Stephanie did; we opt out. How many times have you told yourself or at least thought to yourself, “That will take too long. I’m too old. I can’t do… , I have other things to do?” We have all had these goal-defeating thoughts at one time or another.
But we need not despair for there is hope. We can learn from Stephanie’s example and make wiser decisions. Let’s be inspired and dialogue about what we want to do but then let’s be deliberate about turning fantasies into realities. Let’s use our time wisely, recognize and take advantage of the opportunities that will help us be successful.
Next time you articulate a goal, I encourage you to do more than talk about what you want to do, I challenge you to create a plan that focuses on what you will do and then execute the difficult tasks that will make your dreams come true.
