Breathing Space

I just checked into my hotel room for a much needed solo stay.  My sister and I were scheduled to hang out this weekend, but Mommy-duty called her away.  I needed a break and decided to hang out with myself.

I am staying at a local Westin which is one of my favorite hotel chains.  Check-in was easy and my room is very quiet and clean.  The icing on the cake was the sealed plastic storage bag that housed a sanitized remote control and the Popeye’s that is located two minutes away.  It doesn’t take much to make me smile. 

At 4:30 p.m. I snagged a four-piece chicken wing meal complete with mashed potatoes and a Coca Cola.  I’ve already found a movie to watch and am looking forward to climbing into bed early without having to think about what my family will eat for dinner, preparing it, cleaning up afterwards, monitoring electronic time, picking up random items from around the house, watching my family relax while I work, turning off lights, turning on the heat for our dog or worrying in my sleep that I am snoring.

Right now, I am watching the local news, snacking on BBQ chips, and thinking about something that continues to make me thing.  I am thinking about the reality that for me to unplug and recharge I must leave my home.  This blows my mind because I love my home and work hard to make it a sanctuary for myself, my family and visitors but at this stage in my life I can’t fully enjoy it and allow it to nourish and refresh me.

I have thoughtfully decorated my home with furniture and adornments that reflect my personal taste and style.  I love looking at the pictures of my family that grace the walls and enjoying the scents that emanate from the seasonal candles that I burn.  But I am usually taking all of this in while I am working around the house.

My home is a bustling hub of activity and I am often the coordinator.  Before 8:00 a.m. on a weekday, I have dressed, made a cup of coffee, let the dog out, fed the dog, updated our family’s data board and shuttled two children to two separate schools.  After 8:00 a.m., any given day is filled with sorting, washing, and folding clothes, washing dishes, emptying the dishwasher, mopping the floor, changing bed linen, cleaning bathrooms, making social media posts, making appointments, checking my children’s school management systems, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning up the dinner dishes and making sure my children are on task.  On days when I do pencil myself in it’s not until 8:00 p.m. or 9:00 p.m. and my eyes are not far from closing because I am exhausted.  The next day is the same.

My favorite room in the house is our sunroom.  I love the natural light that streams in and being able to see outside no matter where I look without actually having to be outside.  My favorite reading spot is in the sunroom, but the sunroom is situated where there is a lot of traffic and interruptions.  At any given moment, someone is bumping overhead, running down the steps, singing, complaining, asking a question, preparing food in the adjoining kitchen or watching television in the family room nearby.  Not to mention our six-year-old fur baby who seems to think that the moment I sit down is the ideal time to ask for a treat or to be let outside.  Just about every time I sit in my favorite chair to read, write or enjoy a cup of coffee, the peace and quiet is short lived.

It’s uninformed and naïve to say, “Instead of doing all those chores and responsibilities every day, just take time for yourself while your children are at school.”  The problem with this approach is that the work still needs to be done and I’m the one who has to do it so even if I delay, I will inevitably suffer the consequences.  And to be honest, I like taking care of my family.  The problem is when all I do is take care of my family and our home and I don’t take time to take care of me. 

I have learned that for me to be my best I have to take better care of myself and that means physically unplugging from my family and my home from as needed.   I have learned that to show up as my best self for myself and my family I must take time to refuel and recharge.  This is easier said than done but I am learning to untether myself more regularly and I am grateful for a husband who supports me in this effort.   I am learning to practice what I preach to my children about the importance of self-care.

For me, breathing sometimes looks like going for a long walk or retreating to the basement to watch an episode of “Queen Sugar.”  Sometimes it’s going out to breakfast or lunch by myself, getting a spa pedicure or taking a nap in the middle of the day.  It can be something as simple as reading a fiction book that temporarily takes me away to another world or taking the day off from cooking so that I can just veg out.  All these experiences give me the opportunity to breathe as long as I give myself permission to participate.  And then every now and then, breathing is enjoying some uninterrupted time alone at a hotel with a box of Popeye’s chicken and a good movie.