jennifer-roberts I am 44 years old. My father is 72. My dad has been physically impaired for most of my life. When I was a child, he suffered a work-related injury that resulted in him having multiple back surgeries to correct the original injury – none of which were effective. Over the course of many years, my dad has contended with life threatening physical challenges including black outs, a heart attack, and a stroke. All of which have left him in physical anguish for many years.
Through all his struggles, I have tried to be patient and understanding toward him, helping him transition from cars to buildings for appointments, holding his belongings when needed, completing medical forms on his behalf, walking at his pace, and offering encouraging words. But it’s not until recently, after incurring my own crippling injury, that I have been able to empathize with him in a much deeper way.
Nearly two months ago, I noticed that my right leg was falling asleep occasionally while I was using the bathroom. TMI. I didn’t think much of it because as soon as I started walking around, the normal feeling returned until one day, my right leg started feeling partially numb. Internally, my right leg started to feel warm. Over the past few weeks, the partial numbness has been constant. Sometimes my leg feels warm and other times my leg and foot feel ice cold. Meanwhile, my left leg has gotten weaker and is no longer steady.
I met with my primary care physician about what I was experiencing. She referred me to a neurologist as she believes that something may be going on with my nerves. I made an appointment but it’s not until much later this month. Today, I called a second neurologist and thankfully she can see me next week.
In a matter of weeks, my problem that started out in my right leg is now affecting other parts of my body including my neck and back. Putting on pants, socks and shoes has become very difficult because of the weakness in my left leg and climbing steps is laborious. Two days ago, I lost my balance and fell down several steps at home. Thankfully I was not injured.
My mobility has been severely impaired and I am still unsure as to the cause. I walk with a limp and couldn’t run if I tried. I go about my daily activities much more cautiously and am asking for help from my family to complete chores and tasks that used to be very simple. In a very short time, the way I view and approach daily life has changed.
My father has been living with severe impairments for decades. I have only been navigating my impairments for weeks. I could not imagine living in this debilitating state permanently.
My recent health situation got me thinking about how racism debilitates Black people very similarly to how my impairment is hindering me.
In the United States, White people live in a country that was built for them even though it was not completely built by them. It was designed for their success. Their presence is welcome, and their value is affirmed at every turn. Whether it’s in systems of education, housing, banking, business or beauty, Whiteness is accepted as normal. By contrast, Black is not universally welcome and accepted as normal. Blackness in America is labeled, judged, scrutinized and devalued making it much harder for a Black person to gain fair and equitable access into a world and a country that was not set up for our success.
I liken the racism that Black people experience to the impairments that my Dad has endured for most of his life and mine. Much like a physical ailment, racism is crippling to those who are subjected to it. Black people move through life in a constant state of impairment, some without even realizing it. Everyday tasks such as getting an education, starting a business, securing a home loan and even driving become difficult and even crippling. These impairments make it very difficult to navigate through life, create a legacy of excellence and build generational wealth.
Racism affects Black people in different ways. Some of us struggle all our lives limping along. Some of us try to earn our way past the impairment by going to the right school, marrying the right person, living in the right neighborhood or sending ourchildren to the right school. None of these attempts to escape work because Black people cannot escape Blackness and the unfair stigmas attached to it. Racism is put upon Black people by societal mores that normalize Whiteness and weaponize Blackness.
While no one White person can eradicate racism, more White people can choose to empathize with the experience of Black people. More White people can choose to build relationships with Black people, read books by and about Black people, attend events hosted by Black people, participate in cultural events about Black people and did I say build relationships with Black people?
To develop empathy for someone else, we must first see the other person as human and thus as equal. White people must choose to recognize and care about the humanity of Black people which comes with caring about what Black people value and experience.
Before I started experiencing my leg problems, I could relate to my father in a removed way. Once I began to experience a fraction of what he had been experiencing for years, I was able to relate to his pain and suffering in a more intimate way.
It’s the same with the relationships between Black and White people. As long as White people are observing the experiences of Black people from afar or not at all, there is little to no urgency to get involved, educate themselves and become an ally in racial justice. True racial empathy happens when White people choose to participate in the struggle with Black people. It’s when they choose to become informed, choose to care and choose to teach their children to do the same.
This work is not easy, but it is necessary if we truly value building strong communities that are diverse, fair and equitable for all.
