jennifer-roberts A few months ago, my 14-year-old daughter and I were talking, and the conversation turned toward a hypothetical scenario involving her choking at a dinner table surrounded by her friends.
I asked her, “If you were choking, would you alert one of your friends at your table so that they could help you or get some help for you?”
She responded, “I don’t know. It would be embarrassing.”
I then asked her, “So you’d potentially risk death to avoid embarrassment?”
She said, “I’d like to think I’d get help, but I don’t know.”
My daughter’s response may sound ludicrous or even vain. However, her response is not that far-fetched when you think about it in a different context.
Many people (adults and children alike) do not necessarily experience a physical choking , but many of us have experienced personal loss or impairment because we didn’t ask for the help we needed.
Think about it this way. Have you ever not gone to the doctor when you had a physical ailment that was causing you pain or immobility? Has your child ever not raised her hand in class to get help for fear of being embarrassed? Have you ever not expressed a need to a spouse or friend for fear of rejection?
I think we all have experienced some form of choking at least temporary paralysis when we did not advocate for what we needed when we needed it. The key is not to get stuck in a pattern in which we do not ask for the help that we need.
I tell both of my children, “Smart people ask for help.”
Sometimes we are preoccupied with how we will look to others or what others will think when we ask for help which keeps us in a stuck state. This outward gaze is not helpful.
Instead of thinking about what someone else will think, consider how getting your need met will help you to move forward in reaching your goal and how not getting your need met will contribute to your paralysis.
For example, if you think that you deserve a raise but are afraid to ask for one because of what your boss might say, consider how having more income will contribute to your financial well being and how not even asking for the raise will exacerbate your feelings of fear and insecurity. Not to mention how you may not be able to achieve your financial goals.
We need to treat self-advocacy as the priority that it is. Being able to speak up for ourselves and have our needs met can be a life-or-death situation.
Consider the millions of people who have an undiagnosed mental illness that is robbing them of their quality of life. Many people suffer needlessly because they are in denial, they are afraid that a stigma will be attached to them or they are afraid of how their family and friends will respond. To refer to my earlier story, these people walk around choking at the table of life refusing to ask for help from the people around them.
I encourage you to consider your life. In what areas are you choking instead of asking for the help that you need? Do you even recognize that you need help?
