Do You Have F.O.M.O.?

I don’t know about you, but I have serious F.O.M.O. (Fear of Missing Out) when it comes to making purchases.  Even though I have a closet full of clothes, shoes, handbags, and accessories I can ALWAYS justify buying more stuff.  My F.O.M.O. is not just limited to clothing and accessories; I feel the same way about candles, cleaning products, toiletries and household decorations.  A coupon in the mail is like an invitation to shop.

I have accepted that I have hoarding tendencies and I know that I need to curb my appetite to acquire more things.  After all, how many Bath and Body Works hand soaps and lotions does one really need at one time?

 Yesterday, I was in one of my favorite stores, LOFT and of course there was a 40% off sale; the sale was one of the reasons I stopped.  I did not need anything, but I chose to purchase a shirt and a pair of jeans.  Why?  The first reason is because I liked the clothing.  The second is because I was afraid of not being able to buy the items later.  The conversation in my head went like this. 

“Oohhh, that’s a cute shirt and it’s on sale.  Those jeans are on sale and they have my size.  Nahhh, I have lots of jeans.  But I don’t have that style. I know I’ll wear them.  The jeans here fit me well and they’re on sale. I’ll regret it if I don’t buy them now.” 

F.O.M.O. is a problem for me and a lot of other people.  Even if compulsive purchasing isn’t your particular hang up, there may be something else that you have a fear of missing out on.  It could be a relationship, a career or even food.  It could be your social media account that you obsess over because you are afraid that if you put the phone down you are going to miss something.

I am not yet sure of the root of my F.O.M.O but I am exploring it.  I’ve never been poor, but I’ve had times in my life when I haven’t had  have the financial ability to purchase items that I wanted.  I am also not the most disciplined person.  So, what is the solution?

The easy answer is to avoid the thing, person or situation that triggers our F.O.M.O.  That can work some of the time but if I offer another solution.  We can confront the truth of why we are afraid of missing out and complete the thought that makes us afraid.  Whatever our fear is we can play the entire thought out in our head to see what the end will really be. My conversation would go like this:

“Oohhh, that’s a cute shirt and it’s on sale.  Those jeans are on sale and they have my size.  Nahhh, I have a lot of pairs of jeans.  But I don’t have that style. I know I’ll wear them.  The jeans here fit me well and they’re on sale. I’ll regret it if I don’t buy them now.  I am afraid of missing out on the sale and not getting this shirt and these jeans, but I have plenty of other shirts and other jeans that I can wear.  I am not going to be adversely affected if I miss out on this sale and these clothes.  I can purchase a shirt and a pair of jeans if I need them.  Walk away and be content with what you already have in your closet.  You have enough.  Walk away.”

Usually, the situations that trigger F.O.M.O. are not critical, but our initial response is anxiety, fear or panic when we think about missing out on them.  We treat the situations like they have life or death consequences.  By playing out the whole thought from beginning to end we can gain a more realistic perspective on the situation and make a less impulsive or compulsive choice.  We can choose to let ourselves feel the loss of leaving whatever it is behind because we really will be ok even if it does not feel like it in the moment.