jennifer-roberts This post began as a Facebook post in response to the “Guilty” verdict handed down in the Derek Chauvin case. But I had a lot more to say so here we go.
There are many important lessons that are taught and learned outside of a classroom. How to interact respectfully with all people regardless of race is one of them. This lesson should be intentionally taught at home. Children don’t learn how to treat others fairly by happenstance; it’s taught. Even a child whose natural propensity is to be kind-hearted, can be swayed toward prejudice when other social factors are in play.
Imagine a group of second graders playing at recess. One child says to another child, “You can’t play with us because your skin looks like mud and mud is dirty.” The other children in the group look at the brown child but don’t say anything. The same child says, “Come on guys, let’s play somewhere else. We don’t want to get mud on us,” leaving the brown child sitting alone with her thoughts and no playmates. Now, imagine that your child is one of the children that follows the crowd.
It is these types of attitudes and behaviors that must be corrected when children are young so that they do not become part of the child’s thinking process and conditioning. Let’s presume that the child who was speaking didn’t mean any harm, he was simply speaking on what he observed – the other child’s skin color. This is an opportunity to teach the child that mud and skin color are not the same and that it is wrong to mistreat another person because of the color of their skin. When left unaddressed, otherwise respectful and kind children can fall prey to racist attitudes and behaviors toward people who look different from them.
Last summer, some parents wondered what (if anything) to tell their children about the murder of George Floyd.
Yesterday, as Judge Peter Cahill, read the jury’s guilty verdict of former Minneapolis police officer, Derek Chauvin, some parents wondered what (if anything) to tell their children about him being found guilty of murdering George Floyd.
As horrible as George Floyd’s death is and as despicable as his murder is, this is a teachable moment in our nation’s history, and you can help your child to not be a part of the narrative that perpetuates the insignificance of black life in this country. Sadly, we’ve been here before in different contexts. We’ve had seminal moments that seemed promising, and we’ve seen or read about African Americans being murdered by white police officers and everyday citizens. There seems to be an ebb and flow toward justice without every capturing it entirely. The tide seems to turn but never quite enough.
In 1955, 14-year-old Emmitt Till was brutally murdered and drowned in Money, Mississippi after being accused of offending a white woman (who later admitted that she lied). According to https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/the-death-of-emmett-till, “ Emmitt was made to carry a 75 pound cotton gin fan to the bank of the Tallahatchie River” and ordered to take off his clothes. According to the same article, the two men (the white woman’s husband and brother) “beat him nearly to death, gouged out his eye, shot him in the head and then threw his body, tied to the cotton gin fan with barbed wire, into the river.”
Till’s mother, Mamie Bradley requested that Emmitt’s unrecognizable and mutilated body be returned to Chicago so that the world could see how the two men had tortured and killed her son.
The picture of Emmitt’s disfigured corpse was first published in Jet magazine in 1955 but has been since seen all over the world.
The two men on trial for killing Emmitt Till were found “Not Guilty” by an all-white jury in Mississippi. This is but one of thousands of similar incidents of black life being taken because of racist attitudes combined with systems not designed to render justice to African Americans.
Unlike Till’s murderers, Derek Chauvin is being held accountable for his actions. He will serve as an example to other police officers and leaders in general, that they are not above the law. Chauvin’s time spent in jail won’t restore George Floyd’s life, but it is a step in the right direction.
So, what does any of this mean? What can you do today to help your child and your family become agents of change?
Refuse to live in a vacuum. When you know better, make the choice to do better. You may not be African American but this does not give you a pass to live in ignorance. Choose to educate yourself honestly and accurately about the historical and current experiences of African and Americans and then honestly and accurately educate your child. Seek support if you need it.
Set a standard in your family of treating all people regardless of race respectfully and fairly. Model the standard in your daily life and expect the same of your children. Children are not born with racist attitudes; children learn these biases. Ensure that your child understands your family’s standard and is held accountable for upholding it.
Dialogue with your child about the murder of George Floyd and other aggressions like it. As age appropriate, be honest with your child about what happened and what it means. Role play about what she would do if she witnessed something like this or an incident that was less consequential. Teach her to be empathetic to anyone who is being mistreated regardless of the person’s race and answer the questions that they have.
Teach your child that the murder of George Floyd was not an isolated incident, and it certainly wasn’t an accident. Teach your child that George Floyd’s murder is one of thousands of murders of African Americans in this country because of systemic racism. Educate yourself about systemic racism and explain it to your children. Seek support if you need it.
Dialogue with your child often about caste and race in America. Americans are not all the same. Yes, we are all human, but we are not all the same. Our history and our experiences contribute to our differences. Teach your child that because someone is different does not equate to subordinate. Teach him that in the United States African American have been told and continue to be told that they are inferior to white people and that they are less of a human being. Teach him that he has the power to help this lie and replace it with the truth.
Dialogue with your child about the reality of white privilege. This topic is imperative to an ongoing conversation that is uncomfortable for a lot of people. These honest conversations are necessary if we want to bring about change.
Learn to recognize examples of systemic racism in your community and teach your child to do the same. If your child’s school library has very few books by or about African American authors, partner with the school’s leadership to get more diverse books in the library. The lack of books is not necessarily the librarian’s fault or the school’s fault. The lack of books is part of a “system” that devalues the significance of African Americans.
If the contributions of African Americans are not taught as a regular part of your child’s school curriculum, challenge the curriculum or consider organizing enrichment classes that teach about the history of African Americans and current events. Seek support if you need it.
Dialogue with your child about unjust policing practices particularly in communities of color. Educate yourself about the history of policing in African American communities. Understanding the history will help you to better understand why African Americans continue to be overpoliced, underserved, brutalized, and murdered at the hands of some police officers.
Teach your child that not all police officers are racist. Teach your child that not all police officers engage in police brutality. Teach your child that some police officers are racist. Teach your child that some police officers engage in police brutality. Teach your child that racism and police brutality are wrong.
Teach your child that he is powerful. Empower your child to speak out when he sees his classmate, friend or peer being mistreated by a fellow peer, teacher, or police officer. Teach him to safely stand up for justice. Teach him how to protest peacefully, write to his politicians and use social media to mobilize people for good. Encourage your child to assume leadership positions in his school, church and community which will give him a voice to help bring about change.
Suggested Reading for Parents
“Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents” by Isabel Wilkerson
“The 400 Year Head Start” by Nikki Ace
“Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America’s Legacy of Enduring Injuring and Healing” by Dr. Joy Degruy
“Schooling the Freed People: Teaching, Learning and the Struggle for Black Freedom, 1861-1876 by Ronald E. Butchart
“Send Judah First: The Erased Life of an Enslaved Soul” by Brian C. Johnson
“They Were Here Property: White Women as Slave Owners in the American South” by Stephanie E. Jones
“Troubled Refuge: Struggling for Freedom in the Civil War” by Chandra Manning
“The Souls of Black Folk” by W.E.B. Dubois
“White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism” by Robin Diangelo
“Unseen: Unpublished Black History from The New York Times Photo Archives”
“How the Other Half Learns: Equality, Excellence and the Battle Over School Choice” by Robert Pondiscio
“Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?” by Beverly Daniel Tatum PhD
